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Forums > Active Threads > General Tractor Discussions > Just For Fun Off Topic

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____________________________________________________________________________________
Joke of the day

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grinder
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 677 central Maine
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2004-01-14          73930


Joke THE day.


Link:   

Click Here


 
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Joke of the day

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kwschumm
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 5764 NW Oregon
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2004-05-10          85700


The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs,
he fumbled for his passport.

"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked
sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in
France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I
couldn't find any f---ing Frenchmen to show it to."
....

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Billy
Join Date: Oct 1999
Posts: 975 Southeast Oklahoma
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2004-05-10          85704


Here's a web site that I know some of you will enjoy. Some of them aren't that good to really bad but some will make you laugh your ass off.

WARNING... Listen when the kids aren't around. The site contains adult language.

My favorite is TIPS ON LIFE, on the second page. ....


Link:   WAV ARCHIVES

 
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Chief
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 4284 Southwest MiddleTennessee
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2004-07-11          90600


A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the Yellow Pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for “Bear Removers.”


He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.


The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.


“What are you going to do,” the homeowner asks?


“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back off the van.”


He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.


“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.


“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”


....

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grassgod
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 566 ct
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2004-07-12          90608


Chief - That was the best joke i've heard / read in years! thanks for the laugh! What a great way to start monday morning.

PS - the other jokes were very good. ....

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DRankin
Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 5111 Northern Nevada
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2004-07-12          90634


I read it before I went to bed last night and laughed myself to sleep. ....

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kwschumm
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 5764 NW Oregon
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2004-09-20          96915


An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. ....

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DennisCTB
Join Date: Nov 1998
Posts: 2644 NorthWest NJ
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2012-07-21          184379


"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

Groucho Marx ....

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DRankin
Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 5111 Northern Nevada
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2012-07-21          184382


On an episode of "You Bet Your Life" Groucho interviewed a contestant who said he had 13 kids.

"Thirteen Kids? Thirteen KIDS?" cried Groucho. "Why do you have thirteen kids?"

Caught off gaurd, the guy looked puzzled and stumbled out a reply...."I don't know Groucho, I guess I love my wife."

Groucho turned to the audience and raised his eyebrows several times then turned to the man and said....

"I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while..."

True Story.

....

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auerbach
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2168 West of Toronto
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2012-07-21          184387


"Urology Department; please hold." ....

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kthompson
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5219 South Carolina
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2012-07-23          184395


Saw this bumper sticker:

Sure you can trust the Federal Government, ask any Indian.


And the other line: I am here from the Government to help you. ....

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