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 08-21-2004, 00:46 Post: 94000
brokenarrow



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Location: Wisconsin
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My father passed away today, i went to get him for blood work and he was deceased. Its hard, first close memebr that I have to take care of all the arrangements for. I cant believe how much work there will be ahead of me. I am trying to do this right! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I loved this guy he was one of my best friends, also my next door neighbor. I was thinking of asking him to come up and see my new tractor this weekend but Thur. he had to go on oxygen at his house so that xnayed those plans. This is going to be a real tough week for brokenarrow, havent really cried hard yet but think its still inside, trying to be strong for my kids sake. This is tough! Real tough. Hard to imagine my neighbor, best friend,golfing partner and Father is gone. Hard part is I had to find him and knew something terribly went wrong even before I walked in. I called him at 8:20 am and every hour for the next 4, from work. I should of left work to see if he was ok but I didnt! This will be a hard week for my wife and family.
I love you dad! Here's to you!!!!!!!!!!----->






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 08-21-2004, 05:17 Post: 94011
TomG

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 Any suggestions

That's real tough. My sympathies. I don't think people really ever get over such things nor should they. We do live passed them and in time the good things remain. Mourning is important and so is asking for help--especially professional help with the arrangements. I'm still bearing the consequences of poor decisions six years later. I accepted advice from my father's lawyer and financial advisor without thinking about it myself.

You are accident prone right now. At risk physically and for also making bad decisions. Just defer these activities and give yourself and family some time. In western culture we don't have much tradition for dying. What there is tends to put the entire burden on the survivors who tend to blame themselves. Our traditions just make a difficult time even more difficult. Just don't carry the whole thing yourself.






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 08-21-2004, 06:27 Post: 94014
BillMullens

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 Any suggestions

So sorry about your Dad.

My Dad had to deal with the death of his father a few years ago. I think that having to deal first-hand with the physical arrangements in some way helps with the emotional stress. The biggest problem we had was other family members swooping in like vultures and carrying off whatever they could. We decided that rather than fight about it, if they wanted to act that way we wouldn't try to stop them. Unfortunately have seen this happen before.

Years before he passed on, Granddad gave Dad the '47 Farmall that Granddad bought new. Dad gave it to me a couple of years ago, and I restored it. I always think of Granddad whenever I see that old tractor. I wish Granddad could see it now.

Take a little time each day for yourself, although things will be hectic for a while. Some tractor time may be just what you need. Others will understand. As Tom says, be careful.

Bill






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 08-21-2004, 06:49 Post: 94015
hardwood

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Brokenarrow; May my wife and I add our sympathys. TomG summed it up as well as anyone could have done. My wife and I have sang at funerals with a local group for 30+ years, we have one this morning. Sometimes I have to step back and choke some tears down when a young person with their whole life ahead of them is lost in an accident. When someone has had a good full life we must mourn their loss, but also celebrate their entry into a better world than we have here. We never really apreciate them till they are gone, that's just human nature. As we speak my Father is in a nursing home, 95 yrs. old, without a mind. As hard as it is to see him living like that, I'll still cry when he goes, none of us are really ready. Frank and Lucile.






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 08-21-2004, 09:27 Post: 94020
Chief



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 Any suggestions

Sorry for your loss brokenarrow. I cannot begin to imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must be going through. I can relate an experience that happened to me recently in which a older man I helped and did work for died. He did not answer the phone nor come to the door to shoot the bull like he always did. I won't go into the rest. Not many folks seemed to even care that he died. I took my girls over to his home and we held hands and prayed for his soul and we know that his suffering is at an end and he is in a MUCH better place. We went out to dinner with his son who had the terrible task of taking care of his final affairs. We made it kind of a wake for him and had a few good laughs and I think it put his son's mind more at ease. The old guy did not believe in funerals and did not want a big deal made over his death. We remembered the funny, unusual, and fond events in his life and wished his soul God speed. That was exactly how he wanted it. My best wishes for you and your family to be a peace and reach closure with this event. Remember the joys of your father's life.






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 08-21-2004, 09:42 Post: 94024
DRankin



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 Any suggestions

Take every thing slow. Drive slow. Take your time with decisions. Don't close out any accounts your dad had. If he was getting Social Security, notify them and be prepared to give one month's payment back to them.

If your dad was a veteran, there may be some benefits, like a headstone and a flag available to you.

Most of all, be proud and and pleased that you had such a great relationship with the Old Man. Not everyone gets a dad they can be close to.

May the Lord bless and keep you and your family until the season of grieving is over.






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 08-21-2004, 10:42 Post: 94034
Mikef54

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Brokenarrow, My deepest sympathy. Both my wife's parents and my parents have passed, so I know what you are going through. Not much I can add other than my prayers are with you. Mike.






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 08-21-2004, 11:41 Post: 94036
lucerne

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Brokenarrow, I was just looking at your pictures with my little boy and was telling him that they should use Maine and Mainiacs to test and prove their machines, if we can't break em no one can. Then I came across the post about your dad. Very sorry to hear this. Remember your his child and I see you have children too, he is in them too ya know. I just scattered my dad on a remote island on a remote lake in Northern Maine where he spent the best days of his life camping and fishing. It was a great feeling holding the ashes in my hand and watching them drift in the air watching them settle on his favorite place on earth and becoming part of it forever. We all will pass, remember that, but the memorys never will, so he will always be with you. Do something to honor him the way he would like to be. A grave stone from the farm,they can blast any stone you want,with any picture you want. A solo golf game for you and him. If you get in a bind and need anything or some help, let me know, I'm not too far away and I mean it, fellow Mainiac






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 08-21-2004, 11:56 Post: 94037
lucerne

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Brokenarrow, I guess I was looking at another posters pictures after yours,nice New Holland, he was from Maine, we are a ways apart!! I guess I can only be with you in my thoughts and feelings. Take care, my thoughts will be with you.






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 08-21-2004, 13:49 Post: 94039
kwschumm



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Brokenarrow, I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost my dad about five years ago and it still hurts. After losing him we discovered that the only audio recording of him we had was the greeting on the answering machine. We didn't have the heart to erase it, and I still get tears in my eyes when calling Mom and the machine picks up and plays his voice. We will keep you in our prayers, and please rest comfortably knowing that his daily troubles and pains are over and he is in a better place.






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