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 02-16-2007, 13:11 Post: 139802
Murf



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 Manners for living in the country

After some discussion here about life in the 'country', and the lack of manners some have I thought I would (all in good fun of course) post my little guide on how to fit in a little better in the 'country'.....

This piece grew out of a discussion over a few 'adult beverages' amongst a few of the locals here while grumbling about the lack of manners and 'knowledge' amongst the growing number of former city-dwellers who had moved into our area. After we had it all refined, one of the fellas actually took to stuffing a copy in mailboxes of homes that had recently changed hands. I don't know if this is the cause or not, but the situation has improved since it was started.



The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter "The Country".

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road'. We drive a pickup truck because we need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. We have cattle, pigs and sheep, that's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? There’s highways going both east / west and north / south. Pick one and follow it a while, preferably one-way.

4. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar combines that we drive three weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept and follow along.

6. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw "Bambi" too. We got over it because they taste good.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your EAR at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat bass, and crappies. You really want sushi and caviar. It's available at the local bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a Religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. It's also the tool for opening beers. Learn respect for both.

10. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age. Most of the women are ladies and say "Thank You.".

11. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare, or order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

12 When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices; salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce.

13. You bring "Coke" into my house it had better be brown, wet, served over ice and plenty of it! You bring "Hooch" into my house it had better have 4 legs, a tail, and have a nose for duck, deer, or pheasant, or be in a square black bottle from Lynchburg, Tennessee. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the ball into the water hazards please, it spooks the fish.


Best of luck.






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 02-16-2007, 13:32 Post: 139805
hardwood

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 Manners for living in the country

Murf; 10/4 big fella.






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 02-16-2007, 15:14 Post: 139810
SG8NUC



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 Manners for living in the country



MURF, the smartest man I know.






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 02-16-2007, 15:44 Post: 139811
DRankin



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A good day to tune back in......

Thanks for the smiles Murf.






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 02-16-2007, 16:09 Post: 139812
harvey



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 Manners for living in the country

Murf

That is good thoughts. I'll try and get tree huggin folks to pay attention.

Me I have turned over a new leaf for getting along with tree huggin non meat eatin city folks.

My new bumper sticker says:

I LIKE VEGATARIANS!

Cooked med well right next to the Taters.






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 02-16-2007, 18:15 Post: 139813
kthompson



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 Manners for living in the country

Murf,

It seems manners are the same everywhere, at least as far as County people are concerned. How about one more:

Until and unless you have permission to enter or cross, it is trespassing.

Harvey, what kind of seasoning is used to get the taste right? Or do they taste like "Chicken"?

The combine reminds of story told here, could be true as part of it really is: snow hit I 95, at that time our state had no snow removal equipement in the area of I 95 in some areas some farmers took their farm equipement and were pulling people out. One person pointed out how expensive his Caddy was while the farmer was hooking a chain to it. As the farmer listened he also unhooked the chain and told the person with no manners don't worry about your $25,000 Caddy being damaged by my $60,000 tractor. This was about the mid 80's I think. COuld have been a little earlier.

Yes Sir and Yes Mamm are still in style in my house and for me worth a lot along with "Thank you".

kt






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 02-16-2007, 22:45 Post: 139816
hardwood

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I've pulled out my share of stuck cars, lots of them neighbor kids who did'nt want the folks to know about it, so "Mumm's the word". I was on their end of the secret pull outs a few timeas too when I was a kid. Only one guy that I would have charged had I been able to catch him. The gravel road past the farm was a glare of ice, dressed up fella walked into the shop, no cap,no boots, no gloves. Let him thaw out a while, said he was in the ditch up the road a bit, could I pull him out. At that time I had a 1070 Case with chains on and plugged in, fired up the Case, he crawled in the cab with me, up the road we go. I backed the Case up to the edge of the ditch as I thought safe, being he was dressed up I said i'll hook the chain, you get in the car and steer it ok? After digging enough snow out from under the front of his car I hooked the chain, as I was cominmg up out of the ditch the fellow shouted, "If you pull my bumper off you're going to pay for it". I just got back down under the car unhooked the chain threw it up on the road and said have a nice day. Then he said Ok pull it out. The Case did'nt draw a hard breath to pull it out, I crawled under the front of his car unhooked the chain, he slammed it in reverse, went over the hill in reverse on the ice never to be seen again. On the other side of the coin I've had people stuff a 20 in my bib pocket that I did'nt want, so life goes on. Frank.






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 02-17-2007, 01:01 Post: 139817
bvance

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 Manners for living in the country

Mark,

Welcome back! It's good to have you, your advice, common sense, and your class act back!

We missed you,

Brian






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 02-17-2007, 13:45 Post: 139826
DRankin



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Thanks. You are making my face red.






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 02-17-2007, 14:30 Post: 139828
DennisCTB

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 Manners for living in the country

Murf, you could wite a book Wink yeah right






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