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ncrunch32
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 762 Kingston, NY
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2005-01-16          104300


I just got back from a wedding last night. It was at a really nice place, open bar - the whole works. The ceremony was, as always, a real tear jerker. (Not sure if because the ceremony is so nice or because the groom doesn't know what he is getting in to.)

The dinner was great - but what followed was hard to take. The music was so incredibly loud that my ears are still hurting. There was only 1 slow song, the rest were rap and songs with no melody (with language to match). We had to leave early along with some other couples.

I am only 52 but am obviously out of step with the new generation. When my daughter gets married (hopefully not too soon) I hope its not like this.




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bobkro32
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 38 Mill Spring, North Carolina
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2005-01-16          104301


Having attended a few weddings and having been one half the team on the giving end, I would offer a few comments.

1. Yes, you are of a different generation. Embrace it, and get over it.
2. The planning for weddings is very tramatic for all parties concerned, but mostly for the bride and her mother. Every detail has the potential to be a crisis.
3. Compromises are a must, but difficult to reach.
4. When your daughter gets married, your job is to keep your mouth shut, and check book open. See rule #2.
5. Weddings, like gallstones, will pass. Enjoy and go with the flow.

b ....


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ncrunch32
Join Date: Dec 2003
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2005-01-16          104303


Bobkro, you make valid points. I have some restrictions, though - my wallet will be open but with limits. I think $10K is my limit. Some of these weddings are up at $30K+. I have seen some of the best weddings on more limited budgets. I will do my best to enjoy the new generation of "music". :)
....


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bobkro32
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 38 Mill Spring, North Carolina
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2005-01-16          104304


I think you are right to have a budget going in. However, don't be too surprised if the upper limit "comes under discussion," especially about two months out, as plans and reality begin to clash.

Just try to stay cool. It's only money.

b ....


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Billy
Join Date: Oct 1999
Posts: 975 Southeast Oklahoma
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2005-01-16          104307


I think spending a lot of money on a wedding is ridiculous. Get married by a Justice of the Peace or have a small church wedding. Put all that money to better use instead of trying to impress someone.

Just my .02 worth. ....


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Ducati996
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 347 New York
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2005-01-16          104308


The best part is the couple is still living in an apartment or their in-laws, but they just wasted 30-40k or more on a party basically. They expect to recoup unrealistically 80%. They wind up with less than half, are in more debt and still cant do the down payment on a house.
The brides dream wedding is followed by debt and living in an apartment or the in-laws. Needless to say they start to fight and instead of working together and making it work
they bail on the marriage....true story that gets repeated over and over again by couples these days...Its not like this wasnt spelled out before hand, but that "storybook" wedding is all that matters...short sightedness at its best...

Ducati
....


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BigBob
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 27 ohio
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2005-01-16          104309


I am 38 years old. And I must say, I really hate rap music! Just my personel preferance. ....


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ncrunch32
Join Date: Dec 2003
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2005-01-16          104310


Billy and Ducati, I agree wholeheartedly. When I married I had 13 immediate family members at a church - then we went to dinner. My father-in-law bought us a bedroom set which we greatly appreciate. I am prepping my daughter now about alternatives to expensive weddings. She can have a wedding party (within limits) or take the money.

I am a hard-ass when it comes to money with my kids. They have what they need but I don't want them to think I am a bottomless pit and that they don't need to support themselves. When my daughter went to college she didn't save enough money. So I sent her $20/week for the first semester. She hasn't stopped working since then.
....


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DRankin
Join Date: Jan 2000
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2005-01-16          104312


Rap music is not a generational issue. Rap music is shit from The Pit.

Why in the world would any SANE PERSON want to listen to, or encourage lyrics that glorify death, rape, prostitution, murder of cops and presidents, drugs, gangs, mindless thuggery, oral/anal sex, mayhem, butchery and homicide?

You don't let your children play in their poop, do you?

If you don't walk away from it.....

If you don't speak up...

If you don't hold a standard against it....

Shame on you. SHAME, and hang on tight, because it is a rough ride through the moral toilet and into the sewer of human chaos where this crap came from and where it will drag all of us if we don't stand against it.

I guess this is a little more than $.02 worth.



....


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dklopfenstein
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 125 Southern Indiana
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2005-01-16          104319


I would honestly question whether a couple with this mindset is mature enough to be getting married. With the music choice and with it being so loud, they were obviously only thinking of themselves. So much of life (and marriage) is giving to others and learning how to live with compromises. If they were not thinking about others now, do you really believe that they will be thinking how to please the other later??? I really doubt it. Even though I am only 33 with no experience in the matter, I would definately stick to your budgeted amount...kids that know no bounds while growing up end up in a world filled with debt with no escape. Choices need to happen in every part of life...no one can have it all. The more you have (or try to get), the less happiness there is many times. ....


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dsg
Join Date: Jun 1999
Posts: 528 Franklin, Maine
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2005-01-16          104338


Limit the budget, is the best thing indeed. Why spend 10K or more on a wedding when 1K will do just fine and you can put 9K in mutual funds so your grandkids can go to collage in 18-years with 304K (do the math).

I agree with DRankin about rap (except the oral sex thing, whats wrong with that?) that shit needs to go away, it's a big negitive in our country and it leads kids down the wrong road.

David ....


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brokenarrow
Join Date: Jan 2004
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2005-01-18          104475


No offense bobkro (ITYAFG)
I am 39 yrs old have 2 houses paid off along with 160 acres of wooded property. There is no way what so ever I could of ever done that if I had a wedding bill to pay off.
Here is the way it works in the real world (our new generation of kids dont understand this) Your parents tell you how much they will donate to the wedding. You look at what you have in the BANK!!!! Not a charge card or loan. You take what you can afford and have the money in your hand. Keep the cost under that.
Parents of future brides:
Here is a bit of advice (only my opinion)
1. If your kid is under 30 give them 1K only.
Tell them to make it work.
2. If you were going to give them more, take that money
put it in a cd, and when they go to buy their first
house or 5 years later (which ever come last) give
them a gift of the rest of the money.
Reasons behind this whacked kind of thinking? If it is your daughter getting married, over 25% dont last very long. She can them use that money to divorce her true love.
If it is your son? He then can use that money to defend himself as good as he can (if kids are involved.
If they stay married and life is good? They will think the world of you when they go to buy a house after 5 years or more and they find out after wards that you will give them that money to put down on the principle (principle is the key word!!!! not just a gift for a trip)
I see this all the time in my area. 26 year olds getting hitched and having a kid right away. Both have good jobs. The bank tells them they can afford a house that they obviosly can not and live the right way. Both parents work all the time day care fights over money 2 new cars in the driveway, credit card debt up the ying yang whala Divorce!!!!!
I agree with some of the others here. Keep your money in your pocket, no gift is worth giving until they have earned the gift.
Bah Humbug!
PS I just be entering my 20th year of wedded bliss (april 5th this year) I turned 40 this week. Been there done that survived (so far)
Pss
In 1985 rock was in big time! I had polish polka's along with 50's 60's music mixed with the new rock music at that time (about a 50% split) My wedding guests loved it. MY requirement for the band was that the first 2 hours they toned it down and played a mix with the stress put on the older tunes. The last 2 hours I wanted to rock the house! ALL my guests loved the wedding!!! ALL OF THEM! The older folks were content with 2 hours of easy going mixed with some rock. The younger ones actually like hearing it also knowing that soon the old folk would be retireing to their geritol bottles and would be leaving as soon as the music changed. WE really rocked the house!
The band learned a song they never knew because we requested it. It was called something like "I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll" When they played that song 2 hours into the gig I knew it was all over!
Hey thanks for the memories guys!!!!! ....


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kubotaguy
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 360 Shepherdstown, WV
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2005-01-19          104483


A bunch of money spent on a wedding is crazy to say the least. When I got married my wife's parents didn't have any money to pay for our wedding so we did it ourselves. We had to spend our money very carefully and plan way ahead. At the reception, we did not have a band and everyone loved it, just being able to talk and see family and friends they had not seen in a while. I would have loved to have had a DJ though but the finances said no and I was not going in debt for it. My parents took care of the cake and gave us a nice little sum for a wedding gift which we used to pay on our land.
My cousin who is a doctor and has a ton of money (both his parents are deceased and had large life insurance policies) got married to a female (not really fit to be called a lady). She had to have everything fancy which her parents paid for. The reception was a set down dinner complete with an open bar and a live band. The rehearsal dinner was top of the line as well. They spent a fortune on the wedding. Her dress alone probably cost more than my entire wedding. 3 years later, a nasty divorce and basically her parents just paid for one heck of a party.
My little girl says when she gets married she wants to take a hayride with the Kubota pulling them along!!!!! ....


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bnrhuffman
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 107 Falling Waters WV
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2005-01-19          104490


We took a different approach when my wife and I got married and it worked out really well.
I was in my mid 30s and she was in her mid 20s so we were both established so it was understood that we would pay for it and not her parents. We did some sole searching and determined that we didnt want a big wedding. BTW its tougher to eliminate guests than it is to invite them. Anyway what we decided was to get married on a Caribbean cruise. The only requirement my wife had was that her parents be there and a couple of friends (my mother was deceased and I hadnt seen my father for about 13 years so they werent an issue). We ended up paying for ourselves and her parents. Two other couples that we knew went and payed for themselves because they had planned to go on a cruise anyway. The whole deal ended up costing us about $5000, we had a relaxed, informal, but exotic, marriage with built in honeymoon and her parents really enjoyed themselves. It couldnt have turned out better (or less expensive). I still joke around about inviting her parents on our honeymoon though.
When we got back, we had a reception at our house for our friends and family that didnt go on the cruise.
I recommend this to everyone I know that is having issues deciding what kind of wedding they want or if they are having finacial issues. It really takes the pressure off everyone and the cruise lines or travel agency are more than happy to take care of all the arrangements. We got married at 9am and were snorkling off of St.Thomas by noon. ....


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bobkro32
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 38 Mill Spring, North Carolina
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2005-01-19          104520


For DSQ--


"you can put 9K in mutual funds so your grandkids can go to collage in 18-years with 304K (do the math)."

If read your post correctly, $9K invested in a mutual fund will be worth $304K in 18 years.

Sir, please tell me the name of that fund. Assuming it was a legitimate fund, I would love to risk 9K with the chance to make $304K in 18 years. Perhaps there was typo, and you meant to write $30K in 18 years?

You may recall that $9K earning 7% per year will be worth $18K in ten years ("rule of 7"). I haven't bothered to figure out what your hypothetical fund would have to return to go from $9K to $304K, but it must be a pretty hefty percentage. Would love to know about a fund that has that kind of performance.

b ....


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brokenarrow
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1288 Wisconsin
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2005-01-22          104693


Ncrunch said, ""So I sent her $20/week for the first semester. She hasn't stopped working since then.""
LOL. Are you my twin brother? I told my kids I would pay for the first year of a STATE college. UW EauClaire
Uw Madison Etc. housing and tuition comes to under 10K or there abouts. So I told them 10 K for college is all I will give each kid. My friends called me a few names along with my sister also. I let them in on a little known secret. I told them that they make college loans and very few banks now a day make retirement loans. ....


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AV8R
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 882 North Central Wisconsin
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2005-01-22          104700


Don't forget about the grants too. A young person with little or no income, and decent grades will qualify for many of them, without needing to pay back a loan later or make the loans smaller!

Good grades at college also open up for other grants and schoolarships, too. There are offices full of people whose job it is to give away money at colleges. ....


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ncrunch32
Join Date: Dec 2003
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2005-01-22          104701


Hi Brokenarrow - yep, NY state college is about $14K total cost a year now and costs go up every year. I give my kids $5K per year - let them take maximum federal loans (in their name) and make them work to get the rest. I also told them they were going to state college unless they got financial aid or scholarships to offset it. My daughter got in Penn State (out-of-state cost for us would have been $20K per year) but I told her she didn't save enough money - so forget it.

My daughter will be graduating with a degree in civil engineering from Buffalo this spring. My son is leaving for college this fall and he is also going to Buffalo. I went to NY state college and went on for more degrees afterwards. (It was only $2K a year back in 1970.) So I think state colleges are just fine.

My daughter wanted a car at college - complained endlessly for the first 2 years. We finally caved in and got her a used Subaru Forrester (She is at Buffalo). She owes us for the money and we made her get her own insurance policy - because these kids all share cars, etc. Well she just got a speeding ticket for 81 mph in a 55 zone and its on her own policy! I didn't have to get angry - she will slow down a bit now I suspect.

You are right. We need money for retirement. If you give your kids too much money for college they end up spending it at restaurants and taking trips to the carribean. Kids today think it is the parents responsibility to give them a great time before they start working. I don't normally watch Dr Phil on TV but I heard him say the other day that, as a parent, it is not your job to be your kid's best friend. Instead it is your job to make sure they have a sense of responsibility and enough pride to earn their own keep.

....


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dsg
Join Date: Jun 1999
Posts: 528 Franklin, Maine
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2005-01-23          104759


For bobkro32, You're right I don't know how I attained that figure. It should be around 69K, but I had to change the batteries in my calculator to use it and the last time I used it was when I made that previous post with the fictitious figure:) I dabbled in finance in the early 90's and at that time the average mutual fund rate of return for the past 30yrs. was 11.8 percent and I'm sure that figure must be a bit higher today. So, rounding 11.8 percent off to 12%, $9,000 present value for 18 years come out to around 69K. Sorry for the confusion.

David/dsg


....


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Chief
Join Date: Jul 2003
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2005-01-23          104764


Rap, hip hop, and anything that remotely resembles this sewage is NOT allowed under our roof. The school tried incorporating it until I and other parents raised hell about it. Mark is being very kind and diplomatic about his perception of it. I have another word for this trash but it is not suitable for this forum.

When the wife and I got married; I wore my Army Dress Blue Warrant Officer's uniform. My wife made her dress herself. We had a few friends and relatives and a nice reception afterwards all for under $500. We saved our money for our house and now we are putting into the ranch and other properties. It completely amazes me that anyone would spend such huge amounts of money on a wedding. Evidently it is not unusual for $10,000 to be spent on a wedding now a days and I am hearing that is the low end. ....


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DeTwang
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 268 Shingletown, Ca. (Near Redding)
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2005-01-23          104765


quote
QUOTE:
---------------------------
Rap music is not a generational issue. Rap music is shit from The Pit.
--------------------------

AMEN! AMEN!


QUOTE:
--------------------------
Why in the world would any SANE PERSON want to listen to, or encourage lyrics that glorify death, rape, prostitution, murder of cops and presidents, drugs, gangs, mindless thuggery, oral/anal sex, mayhem, butchery and homicide?
--------------------------

I think the key words here are "Sane Person"

I have been to several low budget weddings. And to tell the truth, they are generally (there is 'one' wedding that was pathetic) far more enjoyable than the big budget ones. I''m just more 'comfortable' at these informal ones.

They generally get everyone involved (freinds, family, church, etc.) in helping out, which right off the bat takes a lot of pressure of whatever poor person is usually responsible for everything.

One of the most memorable I ever went to, was a small wedding (maybe 70 people) in a park under a huge oak tree. They brought one of those trellis archways like you buy at home depot for a few bucks, and some stakes driven into the ground with some frilly fabric draped between them as a barrior. Their were no chairs so everyone stood. The pastor gave a reasonably short but great sermon/wedding ceremony. Music at the event was a guy from their church on guitar and a girl standing next to him singing.

Reception followed a few miles away at someones home, and it was a pot luck affair. Persoanlly I love pot lucks. Food was much better than those tiny boiled chicken things you usually get at fancy weddings.

There was some time between the wedding to allow everyone to change into casual clothes if desired (I desired).

The cake was home made (but still very nice). Music at the reception was the same couple who performed at the wedding. They were paid with donations at the reception desk (a dressed up coffee can next to the guest register).

I think their only expenses were the tux rentals, the gown (modest but nice), the trellis, the pastor, some frilly stuff, flowers, and materials to make dresses for the bridesmaids (sewing was doen by a volunteer).

Oh, they also rented a horse and carriage to take them from the park to the reception (that was a really nice touch)

I bet this wedding was only about a thousand dollars, and everyone had a great time. It was very nice.

The bride and grooms parents came together and put up $35k to be used as a down payment onn a house, and the couple saved up theiir own money in advance for a modest honeymoon.

It has been about nine years now, and they have two kids, a nice house (their 'only' debt) in a great neighborhood, and are very happilly married.

Unless you are rich, I'm of the mind that spending all that money on a wedding which only lasts a few hours is plain foolish, especially when the money can be used towards the couples future. ....


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Iowafun
Join Date: Jul 2004
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2005-01-25          104893


The wife and I paid for our own wedding. We had an amount set aside just for that event. So we kept it reasonable and found a place that was very affordable. I think the meal came in around $10-12 a person. We did the whole shebang for around $7500 and had a great time. Actually, I think we did it for less than that and that included the honeymoon (we drove to Duluth).

The most fun wedding I ever attended was a buddy of mine. Small country church followed by a dinner and dance held in his father-in-law's barn. They had cleaned it out, added some lights and a DJ. Great time had by all and very affordable.

I attended an expensive wedding a couple of years ago and it wasn't as much fun. The bride got mad at the alcoholics, etc.

Keep the money down on a wedding as you can still have a great time. Put the rest of the money towards the important stuff like house, college, tractors, ATV's, hunting gear, etc. ....


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yooperpete
Join Date: Jan 2004
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2005-01-25          104896


I always have hearing problems at weddings, Christmas parties, etc. with a band or DJ. My ears hurt for several days. Earplugs are the answer.

I hate rap music. I celebrated when my daughter just told me she now likes C & W. Bought her a new 04 Explorer this summer just to get rid of that speaker box in the back of her car. It only cost me $26,000.00 to get rid of the rap and it was worth it!! ....


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Iowafun
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2005-01-25          104905


Yooperpete, I think your investment was well worth it! I don't understand rap music. I grew up just it was coming on scene. So people only 3-5 years younger than me have very different tastes in noise to listen to. It's great to live out in the country since I don't have any neighborhood hoodlums listening to rap at 1 am at full volume.

Never did understand the stuff. Can't understand what they are saying and the music has no rythm or style. It's just noise. I hope my kid (due in less than 4 months) doesn't get into that stuff. ....


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cthonestguy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 267 northeast
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2005-01-25          104929


My wedding set me back 10K but I figured the honey moon in there. My mother in law showed up stiff starting problems withing 15 minutes of me being her son-in-law, Don't really remember much except I was glad it was over and I got away from my mother-in-law!

My wife and I hit 12 years in September. 9/11 as a matter of fact, and to this day we wish we didn't blow the $$$ on a reception everyone had a great time at except us. The 10 large would have helped me add the 3rd bay on my garage and a room over it when I built my house back in 1994! Hmmmmm a 5 hour reception with my drunk mother in law or a 3rd bay and a bonus room- take a guess.

As far as Rap goes,,,I'm too much a gentleman to really tell you what I think of snoopy dogshit and puff dick head. Hopefully they will all ganster rap themselves to hell. What kills me is the little preppy kid pulling up in his dad's bmw with it cranking.

I live in the hills out here in CT, as much of a "hills" as you can get out here. My buddy we nick named "dr evil" is a techno wonder. he's working on a thing that will destroy all electronics on one of those "boom box cars" driving down the rural road at midnight just passing through. This guy is a whack job and hates rap more than Mr Rankin! His plan is to disable the car and then jump out of the scrub in his camo and scare the cRAP out of them!

I'm 37 and never listend to RAP, the word is too close to CRAP to get my interest.

....


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ncrunch32
Join Date: Dec 2003
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2005-01-25          104931


Chonestguy, thanks to my wife my 17 year old son doesn't have subwoofers in his car. He does listen to rap in his car but I don't have to listen to the "thump thump" when he comes into the neighborhood. I am the weak one when it comes to telling kids they can't have what they want - at least when they have worked for the money. He wanted the sub woofers badly, I was ready to cave in - but my wife got in his face and that was the end of that. I must admit that she has been right at least 50 percent of the time. ....


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cthonestguy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 267 northeast
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2005-01-25          104932


Hey, can't blame him for wanting the subs...every kid needs them. I am definitly guilty of having the radio up a little too loud in the 70 1/2 Rally Sport cruising the streets but it wasn't rap it was "regular music" I used to play stuff in the house, my parents didn't necessarily like it but it was something the could tolerate. Rap make me sick to my stomach. When you see these scumbags on TV with the gold and diamonds and know our kids are the ones making them rich it makes me sick.

Bring him to an Alan Jackson concert or better yet Randy Travis where they can hear the words.

My kids are 3 and 5. I'm trying to bring them up well and don't intend to "program" their minds EXCEPT when it comes to this crap. My kids hate it too which is great. Once the realize there are bad words in there and they figure out what a bad word is they will then need to find the mystery and I'll be jumping off a bridge. It's one thing I won't allow in my house. My 5 year old son will respect women and not call anything but a weed puller a "hoe", my dughter will kick the crap out of any guy that thinks he can call her a "hoe" and so will her dad!

Any music associated wit killing a policeman is plain sick. MTV did a lot to ruin the world. It's blocked on my directv, I don't even want to see it. ....


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ncrunch32
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2005-01-25          104933


Chonestguy, I admire your conviction. It is very tough raising kids nowadays. 50% of the parents let their kids do whatever they want and their kids ask your kids why your kids can't always do what they want. Then your kids go to their teachers to get their view of the world and what they think kids should be allowed to do. Parents are no longer supposed to be in control. You have to be very tough and stick to your guns. It is a very long haul.

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DeTwang
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 268 Shingletown, Ca. (Near Redding)
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2005-01-26          104940


quote
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My kids are 3 and 5. I'm trying to bring them up well and don't intend to "program" their minds EXCEPT when it comes to this crap. My kids hate it too which is great. Once the realize there are bad words in there and they figure out what a bad word is they will then need to find the mystery and I'll be jumping off a bridge. It's one thing I won't allow in my house. My 5 year old son will respect women and not call anything but a weed puller a "hoe", my dughter will kick the crap out of any guy that thinks he can call her a "hoe" and so will her dad!
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I was going to say that if you "don't" program your kids, there are plenty out there who will be too happy to do it for you, and you won't be happy with the job they do.

But then I see farther on in the same paragraph, that you already are programming them to reject bad behavior. So never mind.

It's a tough world to raise kids in these days. Many in the government and school system think that they belong to them, not the parents. It's that whole it takes a village crap.

I remember when MTV was first taking off, a lot of parents were complaining about the material on the station. The media asked the founder (cant remember his name) his thoughts about that. I'll never forget his response. He said "Who in the f**k do they think they are. Those are 'my' kids. I 'own' them, and I'll show them whatever the f**k I want".

Not a whole lot makes my jaw drop anymore, but that did. Pretty insightful, if you ask me. And that was before cRAP really came on the scene the way it is now. Definitely before MTV was pushing it big.

"cRAP". I like that. Would make a great spoof name for a RAP parody act. ....


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Iowafun
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 955 Central Iowa
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2005-01-26          104987


Speaking of cRAP, did you see the news of one of the rap label's ehad guy getting arrested for running a drug ring? Guess the jewelry cut off the circulation to the brain. At least the gold teeth with get knocked out easily making him very popular with the men in prison. ....


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brokenarrow
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1288 Wisconsin
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2005-01-26          104998


You guys are too funny! You think your a hard ass in the house? Try living in mine! I was raised not to embarress my dad (he was a narcotics detective) or my family> Got the dung kicked out of me a few times and realized who the boss was and what I should and should not do. Flash forward 10 years and I start having kids. About the time they started to walk I have been "programming them" I know where they are and who they are with all the time. My son is about to turn 18. Have NEVER had a problem with him. Just recently he got a girl friend and has not called a few times. Apparently must think he dont have to? All it took was talking to him and he has not forgot to call since. I like to think that comes from his up bringing? Oh yeah, he is country all the way, along with his 2 friends. (chip off the ole block, never cared what was thought of me either by my peers) Now my middle child, (a daughter) is an angel, responsible, (same as my son, staright "A"s. Knows just about every country singer that comes on the radio. I dont allow wide pants in my house nor do I allow just about anything that you or I would not of been allowed to wear. (I am 40). My yongest,,,,She is anouther story, been fighting her for the last 3 years. She is 14 now. I have to fight her aunt, her friends, my mom and sometimes my wife. Seems the rules that I had for the other kids are getting bent for this one. I dont like it at all! She is starting to walk down the wrong path. I tend to nip this in the bud before it gets too far out of controll. Although rap is still not what she listens to the more HIP clothing is starting to filter in my house. This is going to stop fast! Same parents for the most part same way we raised all 3 kids thru their non_teen years. 2 kids are heading off to college and a career while 1 kid may end up chained to the basement pole. Thing that worry's me is she may like being around that pole and decide to make a carreer of it!
I do have my scape goat with her. MOVING!!!!. I can tell you this, I would not want to be any older than I am and try to do this. I am still young enough to see what she is trying to get away with and still young enough to do something about it!
Just say no to rap.

Oh yeah one last thing, want to have some fun? I do this once a week or so. Pull you underwhere over your pants, turn the hat on sideways and walk around shaking your hands saying yo yo yo. My kids think I am a idiot and tell me that. I turn around and tell them, well? what do you think you would look like doing that?
....


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kyvette
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 194 Central Kentucky
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2005-01-27          105057


Rap is not music and never will be, now with that said:

Our youngest daughter got married this past summer, church wedding and reception at the Country Club. The wife gave me the assignment to find a band or disc jockey.

We set a budget for the band of $1K. I called an entrainment agent about bands and she asked how much I wanted to pay. I said I didn't have any idea how much bands cost. She said the groups she represents begin at $1K and go over $50K.

With her help we got a band for $1K that was normally $1.5K, but wasn't booked, this was about 6 weeks before the wedding. The band was excellent, wore tux, and played a mixture of music, mostly soft rock and light country.

The wedding cost in excess of $20K. We based the wedding budget on what we could afford. I am glad I was able to provide our daughter a wedding of this type. But, I am glad its over. Dave ....


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Iowafun
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 955 Central Iowa
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2005-01-28          105118


barrow, I hear ya. My first kid is due in May. My wife and I have talked. One form of punishment I'll be considering is showing up at a shool function wearing plaid orange golf pants with an ugly shirt.

I hope I can right with raising the kid. ....


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brokenarrow
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1288 Wisconsin
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2005-01-28          105143


What you can comfortably afford is the only way to go! Our kids have to realize that just because Bobbie-Sue had a wedding that was 40K and Jessica had one that dad paid for that was 21K does not mean that they have to have one of that magnitude. Every family has different income levels. I will not spend more than 3K. Fact is, that would be the wedding gift also. We are doing OK but I still want to be able to do OK in retirement LOL ....


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Murf
Join Date: Dec 1999
Posts: 7249 Toronto Area, Ontario, Canada
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2005-02-01          105369


I've stayed (conspicuously?) absent from this thread so far.

Part of the reason for that is pure self-preservation, my 'wife' & I are not married, we are common-law, for 10 happy years now. The hints, however, are getting louder & louder, from her, her family, and my parents. I am divorced, she has never been married.

To date my position has always been "I didn't need a piece of paper from somebody else to tell me how much I love her." and for a while it kept things quiet.

However, there's always one of those isn't there, with health issues she and others have been suggesting marriage would be, if nothing else, good legal protection for her should there be a problem with my health again.

I suggested a compromise, it was accepted, we will be getting married on the beach in The Bahamas, with just our parents (we still have both sets) and anyone else who wants to pay their own way to get themselves there to witness the happy occasion. A dear friend of ours who owns a waterfront bar/restaurant there, where my wife sings when we are down there, has insisted on hosting a dinner for any who attend, on him. This is 'payback' he says for my wife singing at his daughters wedding and reception last year.

So, the budget will likely be under $1,000.00 and the music, trust me, will be glorious, and free.

Wait a minute, I will by then be married, disregard that last comment about free, I doubt anything will ever be 'free' again. LOL.

As an aside, about the various comments about being brought up 'properly', when I was very young I lived on the family farm, the village where we lived was named after our family farm, I dared not misbehave, every person I saw, and who saw me, knew who I was and knew who my father was, and knew my whole family. When I was young I recall my grandfather saying to me that it had taken the entire family hundreds of years to earn their reputation, and it would only take one stupid mistake by a single person to ruin it all. I can still hear him saying "You only come into the world with your name and your family, and that's all you're going to leave with, so you'd better make the best of it while you're here.".

I was brave enough to volunteer for the armed forces, and to fly combat aircraft, I would never have had the 'stuff' to do something that would reflected badly on the family.

Best of luck. ....


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Iowafun
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 955 Central Iowa
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2005-02-01          105375


Murf, sounds like a right nice wedding to me. The best part of a wedding are the good friends and close family that you get to hang out with. I enjoyed that aspect the most. A legal marriage is the best thing from a legal standpoint to make sure she gets the estate (assuming you want that) and gives her legal control over you should you become incapacitated/knocked out. That way she can make the decisions regarding any medical care etc.

If no marriage, then they have to track someone down to make the call. The result may not be what you would have wanted and your wife knew about but had no legal authority to enforce. So it's a good thing.

Besides, marriage seems to make the women happy. So if it saves you some grief, ok. Besides, it's a good excuse to have a few drinks with some good friends in a warm location.

Enjoy it! ....


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ncrunch32
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 762 Kingston, NY
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2005-02-01          105382


Iowafun, your wife having control over your life when you are incapacitated can be a good thing or a bad thing. My wife scares me when she talks about life not worth living when you're bed ridden. Since she has a Smith and Wesson I had better make sure she gets the right bullets that will take me out real quick!! :)

Murf, your wedding plans sound great! My wife is hinting that she wants to renew vows on our 25th - about 1 year from now. I am not the sentimental type and don't like the idea of this - but maybe we will go back to St Croix where we went for our honeymoon and do it there. I like the idea of warm weather to ease the pain. I just don't like to fly. ....


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Iowafun
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 955 Central Iowa
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2005-02-02          105408


Well, it does depend on if your wife is the cause of your coma/incapacitation... Mine can't shoot straight and hasn't been taught very well how to handle a weapon. So I should be able to hide while she looks for the safety...

I'm learning that sometimes it's good to go along with what she wants even if it makes no sense to you. And I've only been married 3.5 years.

Renewing your vows wouldn't be so bad. It's an excuse to go on a nice second honeymoon. Besides, if she's happy, then you have avoided a potential major source of unhappiness. ....


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