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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-05-26          129883

Well folks, when your spouse doesn't see the marriage as a life-long covenant, baaaaaad things are bound to happen. Bottom line is - the horses/farm/Kubota are history. I'm moving to a small propety where my 4.5hp Murrey push-mower will be more than enough to take care of my landscaping needs. At the very least I need a new user name.

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kthompson
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5275 South Carolina
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2006-05-26          129888

From the bottom of my heart I am sorry. It is sad and will affect more than she realizes.

....

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Murf
Join Date: Dec 1999
Posts: 7249 Toronto Area, Ontario, Canada
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2006-05-26          129890

Been there, done that, the T-shirt DOESN'T fit very well!!

My deepest sympathies.....

Hopefully your son (and any other children you might have) is old enough to realize it is no reflection on him.

Be strong...

Best of luck. ....

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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-05-26          129893

Thank you guys. Thank God, my son is less than 2 and has no clue of what's going on. He's the happiest thing in the world and it wrecks my heart to think that I was partially responsible for screwing up his life. At this point all I can do is pray a lot that my sins aren't visited upon him. Truly, "the wages of sin is death" and our conduct catches up to us, whether we be believers or not.

On another note, I will be posting under my name and last name initial (DenisS) since this site is great for landscaping (and politics, of course ;) )and such which I can still do on a 100x50 lot which is probably gonna be my home for the foreseeable future. ....

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kthompson
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5275 South Carolina
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2006-05-26          129895

I was listening to a radio program recently on step families and how the biggest loosers are the children. I have family that recently went through divorce and it is so true.

Hang in there (more ways that one) for your son. Let him know you love him and will always. Children need both Mom and Dad. Sadly so many don't think so.

As to your gardening, raised beds? ....

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wingwiper
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 676
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2006-05-26          129896

Horse

Sorry to hear about your situation.
Need to ask a real dumb question, did you try to say sorry and bite your tongue and reconcile? You don't need to post an answer.
Good Luck to you and be sure to hug your kid every chance you get.
....

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kthompson
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5275 South Carolina
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2006-05-26          129899

This may help.

It is a Dad's job to fight to protect our children. If your son was threaten by a bear you would risk life and ling for him and use all your tools and weapons.

This is not a battle to be fought with guns, hurt and such but be sure you fight it with all the love and tenderness of heart possible.



....


Link:   

Click Here


 
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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-05-26          129900

WW,
good question, the answer is yes and the reply was no.

KT,

My gardening interests are mostly in Rhododendrons - we have a love-hate relationship. I love the flowers and they hate growing for me.

As far as step-families are concerned - that's one area where I'm not going to venture. My responsibilities right now are strictly for my child, until, God willing, he's off to college. It would be nice to find another mate, but that means having step-siblings and that's just not fair to my son. I want to make sure that on my part there are no added stresses on my son that step-families tend to bring with them.
....

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yooperpete
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1413 Northern Michigan
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2006-05-26          129901

Am also sorry to hear about your situation.
Make the best of it by go forward and don't burn any bridges behind you. ....

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Iowafun
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 955 Central Iowa
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2006-05-26          129902

At age 2, the memories and problems should be less than for older children. I should know. One of my earliest memories is of the sheriff coming over because the parents weren't getting along. Mom threw dad out and he deserved it. Do your best to be civil and avoid speaking badly about his mother in front of him or where he can overhear. To him, that's his mom and won't understand why you speak badly. So just don't.

Be civil, let your son know you love him and do your best to be there for him. When you say you will be there at 4 to pick him up, be there at 4 or earlier. When you say you'll go for ice cream, go get that ice cream. Be happy about it.

My brother and I still carry the baggage from my parent's nasty divorce and always will. If your kid starts acting up, therapy is ok. Or talk to him, get him to say what is bothering him. Don't let him keep it bottled up inside.

Just my thoughts from my personal experience. ....

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kthompson
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5275 South Carolina
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2006-05-26          129906


I am not trying to imply either of you are considering marriage. They shared some thoughts on all aspects I think some could be of help. ....

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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-05-26          129908

Iowa, thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.

KT, it is a good site, thanks for the link. ....

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kwschumm
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 5764 NW Oregon
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2006-05-26          129910

I can only offer heartfelt condolences. It is terribly sad when this happens. I'm sure you will rise up and do the right thing for your child. God Bless. ....

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shortmagnum
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 848 Wisconsin
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2006-05-26          129912

Denis, It's been about 20 years since I was in a similar situation. Even after that amount of time it still hurts when the memories come back. The only advice I can give you is to be as civil to your ex as possible when the child is around. They don't ask to be mixed up in adult issues and of course don't deserve to be in the middle of it either (as I'm sure you know).

Take one day at a time and hold on tight to the things that are solid in your life. You can get the toys and possessions some other time if you still want them.
Dave ....

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DeTwang
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 268 Shingletown, Ca. (Near Redding)
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2006-06-05          130500

Terribly sorry to hear about this tragedy in your life.....I'll lift up a prayer for you and your son (and your wife) tonite.... ....

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WillieH
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 543 New England
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2006-06-05          130506

DenisS -

All the best to you and your son. Certainly heartfelt condolences are sent your way. Just realize, that your brethren that share your passion for the four wheeled beauties are standing with you.

Perhaps, you could bend an old coat hanger and paint it blue (as ROPS), spray a rhody bloom orange, and place them in the flower garden as a rememberance.

Have you ever tried to "ride" a 19" Murray ? Me thinks it would be rather slow, and uncomfortable! ...and the handle...where oh where could that go? (be nice now! lol)

All the best ~

-Willie H ....

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Chief
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 4297 Southwest MiddleTennessee
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2006-06-06          130514

Sorry to hear of your troubles as well Denis. I think Murf summed up my thoughts on this matter. Remember to count to 1,000 and put your initial feelings on hold to sort things out in a clear frame of mind. ....

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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-06-06          130538

To all who responded to my initial post - my sincere thanks. I really appreciate it. This year will be an absolute re-build: personally and financially. On personal level, I'm not even at the stage to address the situation, but financially, you'd be surprised how bad you get whacked in your wallet in a divorse (did I mention this was NOT MY IDEA? why do I have to pay?) even without alimony. But in any case, once I'm on my feet again, I'm thinking of investing in a nice plot up in Maine - and then it's Kubota Time again!

....

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oneace
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1490 south central pa
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2006-06-06          130547

I ask my self that same question to this day about why do I have to pay and it has been five years. I can come up with only one answer the courts are biased on the side of women.

Good luck you are going to need it. I hope she is not a gold digger like my ex.

One more thing DennisCTB could have changed your screen name with out have to start a new membership he probably still could sent him an e-mail. ....

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kthompson
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5275 South Carolina
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2006-06-06          130549

Denis,

Understand the hurt. My next door neighbor was a sister in law and her family. She moved in the middle of the day while husband was at work and already had boy friend to move in with along with their children. How some people make the decisions they do is beyond amazing. Their divorce was just about 2 months ago. The hurt is very real in our household also.


But your furture ad hit me just now:

Wife wanted.
Must be committed to her family.
Needs to enjoy the outside.
Needs a few acres of rural land.
Needs a good barn and workshop.
Must have Kubota tractor with equipement.
Should be financially well off.
Would be nice if she can cook some.

Please send picture of tractor..

Okay forgive me ...guess it might be a JD by then.

GB ....

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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-06-06          130550

KT,
That's some story, I guess some folks got it worse than me. Well, I feel bad for that guy, too.

onceace quote:
"DennisCTB could have changed your screen name with out have to start a new membership he probably still could sent him an e-mail"

-- I don't mind - it's a good site, $20 a year is a bargain.
....

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DeTwang
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 268 Shingletown, Ca. (Near Redding)
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2006-06-06          130570

Quote
____________________
I don't mind - it's a good site, $20 a year is a bargain.
____________________


You're A-OK in my book man..The kind of person that has made america the great place that it is...

Carry On! Prayers of support on the way.... ....

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oneace
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1490 south central pa
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2006-06-07          130613

I was thinking more along the line of having your previous posts linked to your new screen name. ....

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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-06-07          130615

oneace, I see what you mean; I know.. I was kind of sad giving up two little tractors under my name, but considering the rate at which I'm posting (not necessarily the quality of my posts), I'll be back to where I left off as a horse_farmer.

:) ....

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DennisCTB
Join Date: Nov 1998
Posts: 2707 NorthWest NJ
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2006-06-07          130622

Denis,

You got your 2 extra little tractors back, you are on your way back :-) ....

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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-06-08          130633

Super!

: ) ....

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Murf
Join Date: Dec 1999
Posts: 7249 Toronto Area, Ontario, Canada
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2006-06-08          130637

And some nice guy made them all different colours so nobody would be colour biased too!!!

ROFLMAO!!! ....

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Iowafun
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 955 Central Iowa
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2006-06-08          130643

Specific colors are nice, but when given the choice of tractor or no tractor, they're all good!!

A plot of land up on Maine sounds really nice. I loved it when I visited up there. ....

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kthompson
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5275 South Carolina
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2006-06-16          130930

Denis,

Just thinkig of you, hope all is well. I pray you have a good father's day.

GB
....

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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-06-16          130931

Thanks Ken, all's good in my neck of the wood.

Happy Father's day to all and the most thanks to our Father in heaven. ....

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brokenarrow
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1288 Wisconsin
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2006-06-20          131146

Sorry to hear this. Please re-read Iowa Fun's post on page one and keep it next to your bible. Live by those rules and in 20 years your child will remember that "dad"
never talked bad about mom and more than likely he wont be able to say the same thing the otherway around. I went thru it, its not that bad and dont ever let them use it as an excuse for gettin in trouble!
As for that plot in Maine? This would be a summer/winter vacation spot I assume? You will want to get as many days as possible with the kid, it will benifit you and him!
Good luck, We wish the best for you in the future
(BTW) Get yourself a dog or two and forgo that woman idea!
10,20 or even 50 years from now! Dont (IMO) want to start over again twice. And please dont say, "this one is different" Heard that too many times until about 5 years after the wedding. ....

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Iowafun
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 955 Central Iowa
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2006-06-21          131172

Maybe it's just me, but now that I have a kid of my own, she's just the coolest thing on the planet. I even forego using the tractor so I can spend time with her. The lawn gets long when I do that, but it's about priorities.

So you don't have a tractor anymore. You do have a kid to spend time with. Don't spoil him but spend time with him. Sometimes just hanging out with dad while fishing from the shoreline is a cool way to kill some hours. Or even something as lame as playing catch in the yard or a park. Think of all the things you can teach him like auto repair. Maybe some simle woodworking like making a birdhouse. Lawnmower repair.

A neighbor of mine is going through issues with his son after the divorce (similar situation to yours). His son hangs out with a bunch of single parent kids whose mothers let them do whatever they want whenever they want. His kid complains about his dad's rules. His response is that at least his son has a dad that cares about what happens to him. Key being a dad that cares and wants to spend time with him. ....

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kthompson
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5275 South Carolina
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2006-06-21          131173

It is very simple what children want, they want their parents and family. They will take them any way then can get them. Just listen to their laughter as they do play catch or any thing with their parents. They want to know their parents love each other even if not together. They want to know they are loved. They want to know you will be there for them regardless. They want you to be their father or mother. They want to be the child. They want to be hugged, loved and told you love them. They want to see you smile just because of them and nothing else.

Most of what any of us hold precious in memories from our childhood has little to do with money, more to do with the time our parents had for us and making the effort to include us in what ever they were doing.

Listen to the Lord and your heart. You will do just fine.

God Bless
....

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DenisS
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 367 NJ
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2006-06-21          131176

brokenarrow, iowa and kt,

Amen to all you said

well, maybe except teaching my son auto-repair - I think already at this stage of his development he knows more about auto repair than I do.

:) ....

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