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Discussion Boards > Active Subjects > Messages as Posted > Just For Fun Off Topic Forum

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 10-03-2003, 17:39 Post: 65453
Murf

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 Joke 'o' the day

In an effort to lighten the mood I thought I'd give this Topic exactly what it's called, "Just for fun.", so here is the first, and possibly last, joke 'o' the day.

An Amish lady is driving to town in her horse-drawn buggy and a policeman stops her.

"Don't worry ma'am you weren't doing anything wrong, I just wanted to tell you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken. You should get it fixed right away, I wouldn't want anything to happen to you out here on this busy road." says the officer.

"Thank you so much" she replies "I'll have my husband attend to it as soon as I get home."

"Oh, and I see the harness is a little tangled up there to ma'am" the officer adds "In fact it appears that one of the reins is wrapped around your horses testicles and, well ma'am, some people might take that as animal cruelty. You should get that straightened out too."

She again thanks him for pointing these problems out to her and wishes him a good day, and away she goes on her way.

Latrer when she gets home she tells her husband that a police officer stopped her to say that the reflector is broken and can he fix it for her.

"Of course dear, I'll get right to it." he replies.

"Oh" she says "he also mentioned there might be a problem with that new emergency brake you hooked up last week too."




Best of luck.






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 10-03-2003, 20:20 Post: 65471
kwschumm



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 Joke 'o' the day

OUCH! That hurts just thinking about it! Rolling on the floor laughingMAO






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 10-03-2003, 21:22 Post: 65483
DennisCTB

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 Joke 'o' the day

Murf,

I knew you would come up with a unique idea for your new custom implements business! Yup ooouuuuucchhh!!!

Dennis






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 10-03-2003, 21:53 Post: 65492
AC5ZO

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 Joke 'o' the day

Hey! My sister is Amish. Wink yeah right Just kidding.






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 10-03-2003, 22:23 Post: 65497
Peters

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 Joke 'o' the day

Well I was going to tell my favorite testicle joke but? Let's stick to vet humour.

The other day I was sitting in the veterinarians waiting room with my dog. A man came rushing though the door with a cardboard box under his arm. In the box was a dog and the agitated man began extolling the nurse to have the vet look at his dog immediately as he thought it might be dead. After much pleading the vet came out and took the box to the examination room and began the examination the lifeless dog. After checking the dog for a pulse, a breath and listening to the dog’s heart with her stethoscope the doctor announced to the man that the dog was indeed dead.

"Are you sure." the man wailed. "How can you be certain! Can you do anymore!"

The doctor turned and left the examination room and enter a back room, removed a live cat from the a cage and proceeded to the dog. She rubbed the cat up and down the dog’s lifeless body for 10 minutes.

"Yes I am sure the dog is dead sir", she replied. "You can pay the nurse $525."

"$525!!" the man screamed. " To tell me the dog is dead! It shouldn’t be any more than $25."

"Yes, $525." She replied "$25 for the examination and $500 for the Cat Scan."






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 10-03-2003, 22:39 Post: 65500
WillieH



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 Joke 'o' the day

Murf...I believe you've opened "pandora's box"!
Keeping with the humor of our beloved animal friends...

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered porpoises that had the potential of living forever, as long as they were fed a steady diet of seagulls.

One day, his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way home, with a full bag of seagulls, he encountered two lions asleep on the road and blocking the way. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them.

Immediately he was arrested, taken to the police station, and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

- Willie H.






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 10-03-2003, 22:56 Post: 65502
DRankin



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 Joke 'o' the day

Willie, as a fan of double and triple entendre jokes I have to tell you that 25 years ago, they were "staid lions".

And you should know that it was a violation of the Mann Act, named for the guy who sponsored the legislation, that made it illegal to transport girls across a state line for immoral purposes.






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 10-04-2003, 07:07 Post: 65517
TomG

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 Joke 'o' the day

Well, the spirit on one of these is along the liones of the guy who sliced bread for a living. It came from the ovens so fast that he started chopping it rather than slicing it. The ovens were still too fast so he found a longer knife where he could chop two loafs at a time. Still pressed, he found a bigger knife for three loafs but couldn't find anything larger. He finally considered himself very lucky when he found a four loaf cleaver.

Back to animals with a family story. My cousin was a vet with a small animal practice in a small city. He was a very talented surgeon and received a lot of referral work. His rates for ordinary examinations and treatment reflected his skills and he know the town talked about his high rates. Once he overheard two women muttering about his rates while in his waiting room. When finished with the examination he told the woman her dog weighed twenty-five dollars.






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 10-04-2003, 08:59 Post: 65532
Peters

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 Joke 'o' the day

The animal of the day is now cows.

THE TALE OF TWO COWS

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and sells you the milk.

NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours it down the drain.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

ENRONOMICS: You have two cows. You keep them both, force them to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when they drop dead.






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 10-06-2003, 16:03 Post: 65699
AC5ZO

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 Joke 'o' the day

Mr. Smith and his wife walk into a very high class party. Upon entering, a beautiful young woman comes over and greets Mr. Smith with a kiss and a long hug. Mrs. Smith looked at her husband and said, "Who was that??." Smith replied, "Well, dear, she is my mistress."

Mrs. Smith replied, "In that case, I want a divorce!" Mr. Smith replied, "Are you sure that is what you want? Look at all the benefits that you get with the membership at the Countryclub, a brand new car, a new boat, a summer place at the lake, the best schools for the kids, and you can buy just about any thing that you want, any time."

About that time, Mrs. Smith saw another beautiful young woman walk up to their neighbor, Mr. Jones and give him a big kiss and a long hug. "Who is that?" she asked. "Well dear, that is Mr. Jones' mistress."

After a few moments of reflection, Mrs. Smith says, "You know, honey, our mistress is quite a bit prettier than the Jones' mistress."






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Discussion Boards > Active Subjects > Messages as Posted > Just For Fun Off Topic Forum

Thread 65453 Filter by Poster:
AC5ZO 3 | auerbach 3 | AV8R 4 | Billy 1 | bnrhuffman 1 | Chief 6 | DennisCTB 3 | DRankin 3 | harvey 2 | Iowafun 2 | kubotachick 1 | kwschumm 2 | Murf 12 | NHDaveD 1 | Peters 5 | RCA_TX 1 | shortmagnum 1 | TomG 1 | WillieH 1 | yooperpete 1 |




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