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 | brokenarrow
Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1288 Wisconsin 
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2004-08-21 94000
My father passed away today, i went to get him for blood work and he was deceased. Its hard, first close memebr that I have to take care of all the arrangements for. I cant believe how much work there will be ahead of me. I am trying to do this right! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I loved this guy he was one of my best friends, also my next door neighbor. I was thinking of asking him to come up and see my new tractor this weekend but Thur. he had to go on oxygen at his house so that xnayed those plans. This is going to be a real tough week for brokenarrow, havent really cried hard yet but think its still inside, trying to be strong for my kids sake. This is tough! Real tough. Hard to imagine my neighbor, best friend,golfing partner and Father is gone. Hard part is I had to find him and knew something terribly went wrong even before I walked in. I called him at 8:20 am and every hour for the next 4, from work. I should of left work to see if he was ok but I didnt! This will be a hard week for my wife and family.
I love you dad! Here's to you!!!!!!!!!!----->
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| TomG
Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 5406 Upper Ottawa Valley 
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2004-08-21 94011
That's real tough. My sympathies. I don't think people really ever get over such things nor should they. We do live passed them and in time the good things remain. Mourning is important and so is asking for help--especially professional help with the arrangements. I'm still bearing the consequences of poor decisions six years later. I accepted advice from my father's lawyer and financial advisor without thinking about it myself.
You are accident prone right now. At risk physically and for also making bad decisions. Just defer these activities and give yourself and family some time. In western culture we don't have much tradition for dying. What there is tends to put the entire burden on the survivors who tend to blame themselves. Our traditions just make a difficult time even more difficult. Just don't carry the whole thing yourself. ....
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 | BillMullens
Join Date: Jun 2000 Posts: 649 Central West Virginia 
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2004-08-21 94014
So sorry about your Dad.
My Dad had to deal with the death of his father a few years ago. I think that having to deal first-hand with the physical arrangements in some way helps with the emotional stress. The biggest problem we had was other family members swooping in like vultures and carrying off whatever they could. We decided that rather than fight about it, if they wanted to act that way we wouldn't try to stop them. Unfortunately have seen this happen before.
Years before he passed on, Granddad gave Dad the '47 Farmall that Granddad bought new. Dad gave it to me a couple of years ago, and I restored it. I always think of Granddad whenever I see that old tractor. I wish Granddad could see it now.
Take a little time each day for yourself, although things will be hectic for a while. Some tractor time may be just what you need. Others will understand. As Tom says, be careful.
Bill ....
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| hardwood
Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 3583 iowa
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2004-08-21 94015
Brokenarrow; May my wife and I add our sympathys. TomG summed it up as well as anyone could have done. My wife and I have sang at funerals with a local group for 30+ years, we have one this morning. Sometimes I have to step back and choke some tears down when a young person with their whole life ahead of them is lost in an accident. When someone has had a good full life we must mourn their loss, but also celebrate their entry into a better world than we have here. We never really apreciate them till they are gone, that's just human nature. As we speak my Father is in a nursing home, 95 yrs. old, without a mind. As hard as it is to see him living like that, I'll still cry when he goes, none of us are really ready. Frank and Lucile. ....
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 | Chief
Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 4297 Southwest MiddleTennessee
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2004-08-21 94020
Sorry for your loss brokenarrow. I cannot begin to imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must be going through. I can relate an experience that happened to me recently in which a older man I helped and did work for died. He did not answer the phone nor come to the door to shoot the bull like he always did. I won't go into the rest. Not many folks seemed to even care that he died. I took my girls over to his home and we held hands and prayed for his soul and we know that his suffering is at an end and he is in a MUCH better place. We went out to dinner with his son who had the terrible task of taking care of his final affairs. We made it kind of a wake for him and had a few good laughs and I think it put his son's mind more at ease. The old guy did not believe in funerals and did not want a big deal made over his death. We remembered the funny, unusual, and fond events in his life and wished his soul God speed. That was exactly how he wanted it. My best wishes for you and your family to be a peace and reach closure with this event. Remember the joys of your father's life. ....
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 | DRankin
Join Date: Jan 2000 Posts: 5116 Northern Nevada
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2004-08-21 94024
Take every thing slow. Drive slow. Take your time with decisions. Don't close out any accounts your dad had. If he was getting Social Security, notify them and be prepared to give one month's payment back to them.
If your dad was a veteran, there may be some benefits, like a headstone and a flag available to you.
Most of all, be proud and and pleased that you had such a great relationship with the Old Man. Not everyone gets a dad they can be close to.
May the Lord bless and keep you and your family until the season of grieving is over.
....
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| Mikef54
Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 43 CT 
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2004-08-21 94034
Brokenarrow, My deepest sympathy. Both my wife's parents and my parents have passed, so I know what you are going through. Not much I can add other than my prayers are with you. Mike. ....
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 | lucerne
Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 192 Lucerne Maine
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2004-08-21 94036
Brokenarrow, I was just looking at your pictures with my little boy and was telling him that they should use Maine and Mainiacs to test and prove their machines, if we can't break em no one can. Then I came across the post about your dad. Very sorry to hear this. Remember your his child and I see you have children too, he is in them too ya know. I just scattered my dad on a remote island on a remote lake in Northern Maine where he spent the best days of his life camping and fishing. It was a great feeling holding the ashes in my hand and watching them drift in the air watching them settle on his favorite place on earth and becoming part of it forever. We all will pass, remember that, but the memorys never will, so he will always be with you. Do something to honor him the way he would like to be. A grave stone from the farm,they can blast any stone you want,with any picture you want. A solo golf game for you and him. If you get in a bind and need anything or some help, let me know, I'm not too far away and I mean it, fellow Mainiac ....
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| lucerne
Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 192 Lucerne Maine
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2004-08-21 94037
Brokenarrow, I guess I was looking at another posters pictures after yours,nice New Holland, he was from Maine, we are a ways apart!! I guess I can only be with you in my thoughts and feelings. Take care, my thoughts will be with you. ....
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 | kwschumm
Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 5764 NW Oregon
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2004-08-21 94039
Brokenarrow, I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost my dad about five years ago and it still hurts. After losing him we discovered that the only audio recording of him we had was the greeting on the answering machine. We didn't have the heart to erase it, and I still get tears in my eyes when calling Mom and the machine picks up and plays his voice. We will keep you in our prayers, and please rest comfortably knowing that his daily troubles and pains are over and he is in a better place. ....
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 | grassgod
Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 566 ct
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2004-08-21 94046
Brokenarrow - My prayers & condolences to you & your family. My father is still alive & we are great friends also. This year I lost 2 customers that were both great women. One of them was 62 & the other one was 87. The 87 year old was very close to me. She had no children & lived by her self. She was a tough old women. She was the last of the living in here family. She was like a grandmother to me & I miss her. I was the last person she spoke to before she died. I experienced the same situation where I called & called & new something was wrong. I finnaly went over there & she was to weak to get off the floor & answer the phone. I new it was coming. I had been watching her decend in health for a few months. She also new it was coming & told me excatly how she wanted to be handled once she died. I told the lawyer what it was she wanted since he had to arrange everthing because there was no family. Have peace knowing that your dad has a family that loved him & misses him deeply.
- Steve ....
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 | oneace
Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1490 south central pa
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2004-08-21 94067
I am sorry to hear about your dad. I do not know what to say or to offer. I am fortunate to not have to go through this situation yet but I know the time will come at some point.
I know it has to be hard, but don't be afraid to cry that is the best way to relieve some stress and heart ache.
I wish you and your family well. We are all here for moral support if you need it. ....
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 | AV8R
Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 882 North Central Wisconsin 
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2004-08-22 94083
All my best to you and your family. I've been there, and know what you are going through. ....
Link: Memories of my Father
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 | Iowafun
Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 955 Central Iowa
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2004-08-22 94094
My condolances as well. On a positive side, he was able to enjoy a full and rich life with you not just as a son, but as friend and neighbor. I'm sure he enjoyed that as much, if not more than you. It's ok for you to be a bit selfish and take a few minutes by yourself to remember the good times you had together.
....
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 | plots1
Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 563 mo
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2004-08-22 94130
Brokenarrow, Just read your post......... Sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you and your family my condolences.
Just remember all the good times that you had to keep you going. Be strong buddy, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
....
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 | BARNEE
Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 64 South Texas
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2004-08-22 94135
Brokenarrow: my family and I send our condolences. I understand what you're feeling and what you'll have to deal with. The only thing i can add to the good advice you've already gotten is to not beat yourself up too bad. You'll have a tendency to 'blame' yourself for something...you coulda done this, you could said that, etc. It's natural to feel some guilt but usually without merit. It'll just be one of the many things that run thru your mind. Enjoy the memories of your time together. Once again, the thoughts of myself and my family are with you.
Mike ....
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 | yooperpete
Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1413 Northern Michigan
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2004-08-23 94168
Brokenarrow: I also have just read your post and am sorry to hear about your loss. Please accept my condolences! It is a very difficult time for you and your family. The pain of your loss will ease with time. Just remember the good times that you had with him. We are only here on earth for a short time and have to accept it.
The important thing to remember is the close relationship that you had with him. Make absolutely sure that you have this with your children! In his passing, you now have a great responsibility as the patriarch of your family. I'm sure he taught you well! ....
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 | Murf
Join Date: Dec 1999 Posts: 7249 Toronto Area, Ontario, Canada
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2004-08-23 94173
My thoughts and prayers are with you also.
I can't imagine losing my father, unfortunately I had to live through something nearly as bad. I had a massive heart-attack at a young age and had to see the look on his face as we waited for an helicopter to airlift me out to the hospital and then the long stay in hospitals.
We are now even closer than ever.
Just remember, we do not lose those that we love, they just go before us, to be with those that they loved, and to make a place for us in His Glory.
Your friend, Ted. ....
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 | beagle
Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1333 Michigan
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2004-08-23 94186
Thoughts and prayers from the Beagles.
I lost both of my parents in an automobile accident two years ago as they were on their way to visit us at our vacation home for a Fourth of July weekend. They never made it. The last converastion I had with my dad was confirming the family fishing outing in our boat for the next day. There was no fishing outing.
My youngest son was in the car with them, he had stayed back to give them company on the trip up. He walked away from the accident without a scratch. The good Lord works in mysterious ways.
We feel your pain. ....
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 | shortmagnum
Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 848 Wisconsin
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2004-08-23 94187
Brokenarrow, I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad over 25 years ago and it still hurts sometimes. I suppose that's good though.
Dave ....
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| brokenarrow
Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1288 Wisconsin
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2004-08-23 94203
Thank you all so very much, Its a shame I have more friends here than in real life (my area) I have had 2 phone calls to see how I am doing. I am off to my fathers wake, your comments and thoughts are much apreciated and help ease the stress.
Thank you all, ....
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 | AnnBrush
Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 463 Troy OH
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2004-08-23 94207
Hi Brokenarrow
So sorry for your loss. There is a tradition in my family to drink from a quaich (pronounced kway - and then the che portion from the word quiche - the egg dish). Its a Scotts friendship bowl, everyone in the family gets one at some point in their lives (usually their wedding). When presented with it you have to fill it with scotch (whisky that is) and as you sip from it you remember those who you love and hold dear. Before you drink you have to publicly announce "I drink from the quaich to friends and family, present and absent", you then sip, remember who you want to remember and then the quaich is passed on to the next person who sips and remembers and so on until the everyone has sipped and the whisky is all drunk. I guess the idea is that in sharing the scotch all get to share in the comraderie of family and friends. It's just a silver bowl really but it has a certain mistique and its a big deal to finally get given one of your own. I'll have a sip from the quaich for you tonight, remembering your family and our friends here on TP.
Cheers Ann Brush ....
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| oneace
Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1490 south central pa
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2004-08-23 94211
Brokenarrow
I know what you mean about the friends.
You can always tell who your true friends are when some thing like this happens. For this reason I am VERY careful who I call a friend and who I call an acquaintance.
Though we have never met in person I am proud to consider you as one of my friends, as I am sure many others here feel the same way.
Again any thing you need we are always here for you now and forever.
....
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 | DennisCTB
Join Date: Nov 1998 Posts: 2707 NorthWest NJ
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2004-08-23 94234
Brokenarrow,
I just saw your post, the prayers of my family go out to yours. Reading your note brought back the deep pain of love for those that I have lost over the years, grandparents, uncles and aunts.
God Bless you and yours.
Dennis ....
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| brokenarrow
Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1288 Wisconsin
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2004-08-23 94262
What a difference 6 hours made! We had the wake and the ceremony tonight. Just beautiful! All went well, better than well. The home done a great job on dad. We had made 8 poster boards with many pictures of his life. My wife gets alot of credit for putting it together. All his photos of fox,coyote,deer scenery and even a fake cut out moose that had shadows on it hitting it just right that I can tell you from an outdoorsman that it was hard to tell if it was real or not (It is on hy27 in north west wi. just south of cornel) He took this picture because I told him about it (the cut out) on our last trip north together, he saw it and told me I had to stop for him to take a picture. His golf trophys and all his police memorys along with the Korean war stuff.
We had the police honor guards all night long saluting each other as they would change posts at his casket, there was a bagg piper and a 21 gun salute.
The PLAV also had a good bye. I could go on and on but I know this is a tractoring forum. All I can say is that now I know what some people mean when they say they have closure. It went SO well that I am in a totally different frame of mind. Still sad but I feel relief like you would not believe. Of course the flag being given to me broke me (again) But all in all I am at peace or as close to it as one could expect at this point.
Just wanted to thank all my friends here for everything!! you all helped tremendously in getting me through this. Want to thank Tractor point also it means so much to have a place to go and vent or have people listen and respond with help. There is a spot in my heart for all of you. Thanks so very much! ....
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| oneace
Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1490 south central pa
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2004-08-23 94266
Glad to hear all went well and you are feeling a little better. ....
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